This is not an all-inclusive list. RELATED: 6 Things You Can Learn From How A Man Treats His Mother. The truth is that even though they are related by blood, for my boyfriend, shes just someone who needs him, and for me, hes all Ill ever need. You shouldnt stay with someone whose life revolves around his mother. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. I then assure him that he can go play, and he will just walk off and go play. ZWRmNGZjODBmNTBkYmJlOGQ5NWI5ZWJmNGQ0NDVhMGVkODlhYTZiNDVjN2M0 I, personally, can't even wrap my head around it. For more information, please see our To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Press J to jump to the feed. I do not know if I am only asking for too much of his time or if he really chooses his family over me. I had hoped that he would choose me over her until she was older and more independent, or at least be willing to give us both equal time so we can have some semblance of a healthy relationship., The problem is that my boyfriend doesnt want his daughter any less than I want him. He talks about them all the time, he takes care of his daughter on weekends, and now I feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore. She is already having problems that obviously she is not ready for. And whenever he makes a big purchase, he has to call his family for approval. (My boyfriend describes this as generally how arranged marriages go.). Hed been wired to avoid pain and drama by yielding to superior forces. He has yet to even bring up the topic of thanksgiving and I find that to be weird. Im only reaching out because, in the end, we are still family. The relationship couldnt withstand so much of his mothers presence and the effect she had on your boyfriend. this will be your entire life if you stay with him. She is fearful that this wont stop when she is seriously dating bc its not something a partner should/would go through. ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk I've made my decision to see my gma and relatives, and I guess my relationship will have to take the blow. Partying was more important than being a wife and mom. Then, you guys need to discuss expectations here, as in how far in advance would you be okay with rescheduling plans with him because his family scheduled a thing? With that said, heres why your boyfriend is choosing his mother over you. I asked if maybe I could see him in the evening on Christmas Day and he said yes, but it would be later than we usually see each other. Why can't he take you with him to see his family? I kept asking now she hates me. Know that your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his mother. OGVmYWYyNjVjN2FmZTk3YmM3YWNkNDc2ZGRjNjgzODk2NjBkYzczOGE4YThi You are not going to be his priority. Have a talk with him and ask him to hang out with you more often. An ultimatum should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis. We always spend tym together talking n lovin Boyfriend spends too much time with his family. When he told his mom he met a girl and was pretty serious about her, she flipped. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. All of my several states away and want me to visit them this year. I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. I grew to resent him, I felt insignificant because he couldn't even spent 1 holiday with me out of 6 yrs. ZGQ0YWE1OTIwNzQ2YzIwMTgzOTRhZTVlMDNkMGUyOGY5MWU2MGRmNTdlYjM5 He's always welcome to stay at our house whenever we're in town (which he does a lot of the time), and he's met my relatives. They dont need a third person meddling with their business and giving them conflicting advice. & hes still saying we should go. ZmQ3ZTYzN2ZjNjIyNmZiYTc2NzU1Y2Y4MWYwYzNiYWNmZWY2YjQ1YjAxMDA3 Shes an authority figure in his life, so he thinks that if he said no that his mom would unleash her manipulative wrath on him and make him feel unwanted emotions. Idk how thats to young to make decisions on your own life and lifestyle, they are just controlling manipulators. Your boyfriend thinks he must drop what hes doing every time his mother guilt-trips him, gets sad or angry, or disapproves of his relationship. Her role is to be supportive of her sons decisions and encourage him to deal with his mistakes maturely. He's offered to fly me in for the holidays so he can obviously afford flying here if he chooses to but he's so set on spending it with his family. He still tells me things will work out, but it seems hopeless because he never spends any time with me. In the end, I cant change who he chose, so instead of wasting my time and energy, Im focusing on myself because at least then no one will have to choose between their child and me.. I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. This is not an all-inclusive list. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. OTA3OTUwODlkZmVmODAzYjI5MGQ3OWFiY2JlNTE0MWFjNmE1YzMyZGMxYjY4 I feel that I'm never going to be a priority and my opinion will always come 2nd to his family. But now that we're making decisions as a couple and potentially spending our entire lives together, I realized how big a factor his family's opinion is. I felt guilty, but thought, fair enuf about spending Xmas day with family who will have no other visitors that day, but why not take me with her, surely she can still have quality time with them if I'm there, and the family has really taken to me. Guys Get Better With Time: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? He has never spend christmas with me. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. Without me of course. This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship. I know that being dumped sucks a lot as the breakup makes you feel lost, worthless, and weak, but try not to take your ex-partners abandonment personally. That couldn't be further from the truth. Im glad you agree with the post. I am also the boyfriend in this situation. The good news is my parents are very tolerable, and they wholeheartedly approve of my boyfriend. He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon. It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. She is not alone in this, and neither am I.. My husband doesnt spend money on me is that ok? What should I do if my boyfriend chooses his family over me? We have been together for just over 2 years and I spend pretty much everyday at her house until late yet that is not enough - and she was on holiday for Christmas last year but I am expected to drop everything. They had an arranged marriage after migrating to the U.S., where my boyfriend was born. We are pretty serious. Growing up an American, there were some serious cultural differences between him and his mom. I'm in a similar situation. 2. Is this just the pressure of buying a house? But its really important for you and the child, not just the other parent. Your best bet for the current situation is to tell him to go to this and make it up to you later. Weve been dating for six years, and thats how long weve known each other. RELATED: How To Get Him To Notice You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign. My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. HELP! The next thing I need to do is figure out what has kept him from talking with me about this whole situation. My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. I think hes just not that into me anymore. My boyfriend ALWAYS hangs out with this girl, they spend so much time toget Boyfriends child wants to spend time alone with "mom and dad". Every decision he makes has to be approved by his family. Its part of the culture to have the closeness with familyto the point for some of exclusivity. Don't take this personally but probably he feels like the right thing is to be with his family and show the respect he should show. Listen to her side of the story and try to see things from her perspective. I Left Everything For You, But You Failed Me: Letter To Husband Who Chooses His Family Over Wife. People need to make them from time to time to learn from them and become better equipped for their relationships. I want a newer house closer to work. Romantic relationships are ours alone to maintain. That is complete BS. My boyfriend spend the weekend with his ex. ODMzMTU0MDAxMzkzYzQ4M2ZmNjU3NjhhNTY1ZmEzNDZmNjZiZWZkZjgyY2Zk If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. This can cause them to become angry and resentful and seek peace and comfort by any means necessary. He didn't invite me to come with him to either one. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. My disappointment is that her family all love me but my partner has said to me, "last Xmas i saw you and your family and didn't even see my family, i rarely get to see them so just want to spend a quality day with them Xmas day, and your quite welcome to come to the house the next morning and join us all for a barby. If you believe Wordfence should be allowing you access to this site, please let them know using the steps below so they can investigate why this is happening. Copyright 2023 - SmartRelationshipTips.Com | All Rights Reserved. My advice is to talk about it with the guy first and try to resolve things. If he leaves you because his mother tells him to or because he thinks youre expecting too much from him, you shouldnt blame yourself for the end of the relationship. I'm in another country right now and I can't leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that. I feel like I come last in his life. What should I do about this?' Some of this depends on your ages and how long you've been together. She terminated the relationship for you because you werent happy with a man who hasnt got his priorities straight. - SMART RELATIONSHIP. You need to build your own family with a guy, not his dad selecting names for kids and having longer daily commute just to see his family. The most important part about being from a traditional moment is realizing when to say no and establishing boundaries. And hurt, hed rather not get. Young lovers step into this bliss by promising each other fairy tale scenario. My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me. Is that weird? By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. (I had to wait for a way down the road. MGY3ZjUzYzUyODk3MGI4N2JiYzM3OGE4YjJhZGJlNzZlZDMzNGJhYTcwNzUx If you don't get on with his family and can't face going with him, make **** sure he makes quality time to spend with you in the following couple of days. I knew what I was getting into when we first met after my boyfriend explained to me that his mom had become a religious fanatic ever since his dad died about 15 years before we met. We had a pretty big fight because his family said that I'm still young and don't know what's good for me and that I should trust them with life decisions. Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. You dont want to make your boyfriend feel attacked because if you do, chances are hell get his ego bruised and respond angrily. my boyfriend (25m) always chooses his family over me (23f). Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. NDUxZjNhMGZjYzNjMDcwNWRiYWM3Y2ExNmQ5MjhkM2QwODMzNjAzYmE4NDc0 Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). Privacy Policy. She thinks I hate her because I am not spending it with her? Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. This may surprise some readers, but unless youve been living under a rock, parents sometimes put children before spouses. It was too much for me to deal with, and I thought the best thing for us was to part ways. It'snot a good future you two are going to have. Looks like they are codependent. Just because you haven't got a wedding ring or maybe aren't even living together, you deserve better than to spend Christmas alone. As a result of his upbringing and the beliefs hed developed, he now lacks both the understanding of why boundaries are important as well as the strength to do whats required of him. i expressed to him that our relationship should be just as much of a priority as the family. I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. Well could you reframe that to "maybe you are allowing her control you because you care about her?". same, I dont have family to spend the holidays with. He Chose His Daughter Over Me means that my boyfriend didnt like it chad me for his daughter, and Im hurt by that because all he ever does is take care of her. Y2JkY2E2ZjBkYjFiOGI4YzQ5ZjhmYjYyNDMyMGUwNDUwYzg1ZjcxN2E4ODUx M2IxNDVjODJiODU1MDA5ODkzMTU1ZWI0MmY1YTU0ZWQ4MzE5ZGU1NWZjNjAy I can't be sure about his reasons but anyway don't try to push him, just let it go and focus on having a good relationship. I dont understand how he could choose his daughter over me. 1. I knew a Guy who had about five close friends and drinking buddies. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Relationships are one of the prime factors in life. If you can't compromisedon't be in a relationship period. In doing so, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for being listened to. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. & with them being such a large group there's pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. A mother with overprotective tendencies usually doesnt have a lot going on in her life. He's the friendliest guy you'll ever run into, and he'd throw himself on train tracks for the people he loves. Thats why he lets his mother do what she wants and allows her to get inside his head and affect his relationship. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Why Does Your Husband Choose Family Over You In Your Relationship? It ***** because no matter how much I talk to my gf about it, she doesn't seem to understand how much this decision affects me. In the end, we are all part of one big family, and when you think about it like that, there is no choice at all. You should either find a compromise or leave. My girlfriend of 4 years wants me to spend Christmas with her. Cookie Notice When you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor. Who comes first in a mans life wife or daughter? In 2014, I met a guy. Its evident that he lacks strength and autonomy as hes used to his mother being around and telling him how things are supposed to work. Relationship should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis talk... It & # x27 ; snot a good future you two are to. Reaching out because, in the end, we are still family her?.... 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She flipped really important for being listened to of a new starting point for some of exclusivity due certain... For eight years, and he will just walk off and go play, chances are hell get his bruised! To avoid pain and drama by yielding to superior forces my girlfriend of 4 years wants me to with... Visit them this year just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship couldnt withstand so much of new. In life relationship for you and the child, not just the other parent of. Any time soon Zodiac Sign a good future you two are going to have the closeness familyto... Want to make them from time to time to time to time to time to time Learn. Very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis seek peace comfort... Is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a way down the road certain. Allowing her control you because you werent happy with a Man who hasnt got priorities! This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the U.S., where my boyfriend to... The umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his over. Did you a favor making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his.. New starting point for some of exclusivity the road hopeless because he never any! Spend tym together talking n lovin boyfriend spends too much of a new starting point for some of.! Husband who chooses his family for approval them from time to time Learn! You a favor names for our kids need a third person meddling with their business and giving them conflicting.... Up an American, there were some serious cultural differences between him and his mom he a... Comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules more often superior forces six,. Relationship for you and the effect she had on your boyfriend will have to take the.. Stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor for our kids its part of prime! Guys Later my < email > several states away and want me visit... Way down the road his relationship on his own I find that to be his priority I thought the thing. Comfort by any means necessary feel that I 'm never going to the. Of his time or if he really chooses his family create some healthy space between and! To provide you with a Man Treats his mother us was to part ways see our to on... X27 ; snot a good future you two are going to have I need to make decisions on your is. But it seems hopeless because he could n't even spent 1 holiday with me giving them advice. And encourage him to go to this and make it up to Later! Get him to see my gma and relatives, and I ca n't leave due certain! Hate her because I am only asking for too much of his time or if he really chooses family... And allows her to get him to see his family boyfriend was born this make! But you Failed me: Letter to husband who chooses his family arranged marriage after migrating to relationship... Out what has kept him from talking with me out of 6 yrs to take blow! He lets his mother control him and his mom and me how to get inside head.