Mooooom???!! Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch; Johnny! shouted his mother. She says to Johnny, What a cute costume, but let me ask you.Where are your buccaneers?Little Johnny says back, Theyre under my buckin hat lady.The elementary class was learning about additionThe teacher asks little Johnny, If I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?Johnny thinks about it for a few seconds and says, Seven.The teacher says, No, lets try again. Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom, flat on her back with her legs in the air, screaming, Jesus, Im coming! And how about you, Sarah?I wanna be Johnnys Prostitute.Teacher: Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?Michael: Just a minute I have to go pee.Teacher: That would be rude and impolite. Little Johnny responds: "ten.". Then share them with everyone you know. "Well did you get it for Christmas then?" Johnny asked. I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.. In todays edition of little Johnnys jokes, I have the most hilarious ones guaranteed to make you laugh so hard that tears begin to flow. Teacher: "Ok that's not correct, let's do this again. Working motivation: none. Before they left their house, Little Johnnys dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the babys missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the babys lack of ears.Johnny looks in the basonet and says Wow, what a beautiful baby. The mother replies, Why, Thanks Johnny. Johnny says: He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. 5. Little johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. Little Johnny complains to mom at home, Mom, our teacher really doesnt know anything. The teacher said that there was no way that anyone could know what God looks like, so how could he? Where on earth did you pick it up? From my father. said Johnny. Little Johnny replied, Thats easy. Little Johnny said, "Easy. His mother asks What on earth are you doing Johnny?Johnny replies The box says that you shouldnt eat them if the seal is broken, I am looking for the broken seal.Teacher: Little Johnny, you are late to class again.Johnny: But miss, you said that it is never too late to learn.Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him Johnny, where is your report card?Johnny replies sorry dad, I dont have it. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" 145 Short Dirty Jokes That Bring More Adult Humor, 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side, 155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech, 160 Hilarious Wife Jokes to Spark Joy in Your Marriage, 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face, 150 Hilarious Tree Jokes to Fresh Your Mind, 152 Hilarious Wine Jokes to Make Conversation More Enjoyable, 151 Hilarious Tomato Jokes That Are So Juicy. Great, that has three syllables. 6. You can also have a look at BEST Butt Jokes That Are Just Booty-ful. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words? Teacher: I hope I didnt see you looking at Tommys test paper. Johnny: I hope you didnt see me either., 19. 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It is no secret that jokes about Little Johnny are pretty popular, and you can hear them here and there. She replies, "No". Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store.The cashier said, Theres no way I can take this. Little Johnny: Well, about six miles., Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, Do you believe in the Devil? This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Would anyone else like to try?Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.In the class the teacher said: the first person to answer my question will go home early.Little Johnny threw his bag outside.Teacher asked: Whose bag is that?? Next Joke . He has an assignment that he needs a little help with. He thought, this has to be the cutest thing Ive ever seen. Johnny pokes her in the ass with the pin again and Sally screams if you stick that thing in me one more time Im gonna break it! The teacher faints. The first one says, My daddy is so cool he can eat four burgers at one meal., The second one says, Thats nothing. He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question. Susie says, I wanna be Johnnys bitch., While teaching a class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question, Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?, Michael said, Just a minute, I have to go pee., The teacher responded by saying, That would be rude and impolite. What happened?Johnny explains: Miss, Dad asked me again, Johnny are you sleeping?. When she asked for an F-word that rhymed with "duck" he waved his hand feverishly. See more. She usually slept through the class. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched. No butter for you for one month! says his dad. Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. I plan on posting videos of my little Johnny jokes, my family jokes and fishing videos. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. At times, however, circumstances forced their hand. Johnny said, Well, the cars not real either., Read more: Fast and Crazy Car Jokes and Puns. 1. Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.The mayor sees him and asks, Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?Im taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant, answers Johnny.The mayor is shocked, Surely your father had better be doing that?Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, Nah, I think its really best left with the bulls.Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had no fun for months. Then she faces the class and says, OK class, how should this be corrected?Little Johnny says, I think you should get yourself a better man!I asked little Johnny, What would you like for your birthday?He said, Tampons please.I said, Tampons!? "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Listen carefully. Little Johnny answers saying, Each morning that my Father is late to work, he pounds on the bathroom door saying, JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?, Little Johnnys teacher went to pay his family a home visit. The best stupid jokes. Theyre assholes!. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. Johnny proudly says, "Masturbation." "Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's three and three." Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our funny posts. Johnny says to her What is the matter? You dont even know what it means. I do. said Johnny. No kids, however, could offer her a solution. Little Johnny writes to Santa that he wants a little brother for Christmas. He was a paratrooper.A paratrooper? Asked the teacher, who was awed.Yes, please look closer you can see his jump badge.Second was Joe. ", A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Just go to school. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. Little Lucy went next. Does anyone know another word. Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. Welcome to my page the official page of Jeremy Littel. When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddys get a big tummy and mommys have to jump on it so it will deflate. One day Jimmy got home early from school.His elder sister asked, Why are you home so early?He answered, Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.She said, Wow, my brother is a genius. ", He walked up to a house and said trick or treat.The little old lady just gushed over his costume. When the class was asked what they would do if they hit the lottery, Johnny didnt say anything and laid back in his seat. I want to eat that thing.. Well, we dont know either, but thanks to him, we can laugh at the best little johnny jokes. the first letter." Then the teacher asked April a third question, What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?, Johnny said, I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. The jokes in Little Johnnys Corner are about a young boy with a very clear thinking style who asks foolish questions and makes embarrassing statements. A big list of little johnny jokes! No, said Little Johnny. But maybe, if you didnt speak quite so loud, I could.Mother, Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, youll get kids who will be very naughty to you!Johnny: Oh mom, do you realize what you just said?Teacher: Its the fourth time youre late for school this week Johnny! Copyright eSmartass 2013 - 2014. After lifting her skirt, Little Johnny exclaimed "I'm no doctor, but it looks like somebody cut your dick off!" Sharedby If Then 3like0dislike The teacher found this surprising because she didnt know he was a detective. The smile looks really good on you. ". See our other funny jokes too including more little Johnny jokes. Theres nothing funny about Little Johnnys jokes than how they humiliate grown-ups! Lets have a look at the list of the best little Johnny jokes! My daddy can eat six., Little Jonny starts laughing and says, My Daddy can eat light bulbs.. I see why they kicked him out of there.. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." A. Check out 10 Best Funny Blogs About Life or our awesome collection of Funny Insults. "Hey, Mum," asked Little Johnny, . This time April jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, ILL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE! The Teacher fainted. Sadly, the baby was born without any ears.When the mum and baby came back home from the hospital, Johnnys family was invited over to see the baby. Usually she slept through the class. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter." Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful"
the teacher asks. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?, 10. Next up was little Johnny. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit. Come, tell us at least two pronouns, right now!Little Johnny: Who, me? Teacher: Wow who knew, very well done.Teacher tells little Johnny off, You know very well you cant sleep in my class, Johnny.Johnny admits, Yes, I know miss. Sure enough, he raised his hand, practically leaping out of his desk to make sure she saw him. And she said we should recite it till we learned it!The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. Ever miss going to school? I never want you to use language like that again. Do you really expect me to believe that?Its true, Miss Martin, I swear, insisted Johnny. Little Johnny said, Easy. We were all in church saying our prayers. class remember it if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); I covered it with peanut butter and he woofed it down.There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. Do you know who created Little Johnny jokes? Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. And there are constantly a lot of new Little Johnny jokes published on the Internet because people like to read them and they are so funny. Johnny says, Bow your head, Dad. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The Teacher fainted. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Ill be right back., Thats better, but its still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. You can also check out the funniest of funny acronyms. 'Little Johnny' is a cartoon character based on a little boy known for his straightforward jokes. She said no, but he said that hed tell her what their cleaning lady said to his father when she was gone. 70 Funny Sleep Jokes That Wont Make You Drowsy, 132 FUNNY Cold Jokes To Make Your Day a Little Happier. Jeremy Littel 555K subscribers Subscribe 1.5K Share 56K views 1 year ago Welcome to my page the official page of Jeremy Littel. The teacher asked him why, and Little Johnny explained it was because he met a man who had lost his wallet on the street.Ah, nodded the teacher, you were helping him find it!Um, not really, said Johnny, but I had to keep standing on it until he would give up and go away.Teacher asks, Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?Little Johnny pipes up, HIJKLMNO!The teacher is puzzled, What on Earth are you talking about, Johnny?Little Johnny looks hurt, But sir, you yourself said yesterday that its H to O!History teacher asks Little Johnny: Where was the French English peace treaty from 1800 signed?Little Johnny: Bottom right corner.The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that hes finished and shows the teacher a blank sheet of paper.But Johnny, you didnt paint anything on it? says the teacher.Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and since there was no grass left, they just went away.Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents bedroom one night.He stares for a minute and then, thoroughly disgusted, shakes his head, And these people tell me I shouldnt pick my nose? One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, Tell me, April, who created the universe? When April didnt stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. Read more: Funny and Dirty Jokes: A Combination of Tickle and Giggle, Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny walks in. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . This time, April jumped up and shouted, IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, ILL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ASS!. I plan on. Youve done it only eight times. Johnny: Looks like my counting isnt too good either., 17. Little Johnny: Im not sure. Laugh all you want! Later that evening, as Johnnys mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in! ", Boss: *Shouting* "Little Johnny come to my office right now"
I give you two, Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more.Johnny spends a few minutes thinking it out, and again says, Seven.The teacher says, Lets try it another way. she says to him, What are you doing Johnny?Johnny replies, I am just doing my maths homework. And is this is how your teacher taught you to do it? the mother asks. This week in Little Johnnys English class, they were learning about punctuation.When they got to periods, Johnny asked, Why are periods so important?The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know.He said, When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out.Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately.There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime.Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him.One day a neighbor sees what is going on and approaches Little Johnny and says Those boys are making fun of you Johnny, dont you realise that a dime is bigger than a nickel?Johnny smiles and says Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.This happened with my great uncle and young cousin for years.He loved to hold out a 50p and a pound coin and laugh his head off she always chose the bigger coin.Made us older cousins feel stupid we had all taken the pound and the game had stopped.Little Johnny asks the teacher, Can I be punished for something I havent done?The teacher is shocked. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. ~Charlie ChaplinSubscribe To The Channel To See Funny Jokes DailyI Hope You Enjoyed The Funny Videos Di. Its fake. I am the ninth letter.. Little Johnny Jokes - Teacher Sends Little Johnny To The Principal's Office. Quickly, dad tells him to leave.When mom and dad come out of the room, they explain to Johnny that sometimes daddys get a big tummy and mommys have to jump on it so it will deflate.Then Johnny replies, But why does mommy have to deflate it when Ms. Jane next door just comes over every day to blow it back up?Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.Johnnys answer was: Our house is very small Miss. He says out loud, One plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Little Johnny Was Busy Doing His Homework. Why a carrot as a logo? His innocent appearance is occasionally contrasted with his knowledge of sex terminology. Ill be right back.Teacher: Thats better, but its still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. You can also check best jokes for kids to get your dose of funny jokes. ", One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. Little Johnny came home from school to see the familys pet rooster dead in the front yard. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sisters!Did you just copy hers? Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. My daddy served in Afghanistan. "No!" Jimmy replied. Do you know a good joke which isn't here. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him superglue instead.. A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz behind my back Ive got something red, round and you can eat it. The best little Johnny jokes. Well, we hope we did. Thats it! Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". But I dont want a child.Oh, dont worry, the boy said reassuringly, Ill use a condom!One, day little Johnny asks his father,Daddy where do I come from?The mother and father, had been preparing for this, for a very long time.Well son, when a Man and a Woman love each-other very muchAfter explaining the details and science to his Son, who had a puzzled look on his face the Father turned to his child,Well son, does that answer your question?Not really Susan from school told me she came from Italy.A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: What do you want to be when yougrow up?Little Johnny says: I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Little Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, Are Fred and Mary up yet? Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you dont know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because its bigger, or what?Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, Well, if I took the dime, theyd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy.