I mean if she can demean you in front of her friends there is absolutely no issue putting her in her place in front of them as well. This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. Second communicate. When they reacted a little judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. I even heard her shoosh the friend who said it and peek inside the kitchen but I hid behind the counter and kept listening. But try couples counseling and go from there. It sounds like she is uncomfortable with discussing issues with you that she thinks will upset you until she has to but by then the damage is already done. Same. I will always defend my guy. Divorce may be an end result. How I interpret she feels: she let slip in a drunken night that youre bi, she enjoys your sex life and when her friends made you the butt of the joke and were being judgmental about it, she felt ashamed, and in true weak fashion chose to join in vs stand up for you and herself. That's why her apology doesn't feel like it's enough - because it isn't. Which means wherever you gothere will be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering if people are judging you or talking shit about you behind your back, I'm not sure how you move forward in this situation but I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to, I would suggest individual therapy and couples counseling.as well as asking her to put some distance between her and the people she ran her mouth to. Most people in the comments seem to be going off of the deep end here. At 31 years old! Marriage counseling needed. Great comment. This opens up two main issues, and a third tangential one, as follows: In the first scenario: She crossed a boundary and (un)consiously violated your trust. But it does happen and people can surprise you. After reading this post, I was so shocked I seen this as the first comment but was also laughing badly. You have an issue, address it. Couples counseling may help rebuild trust. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. Plus she essentially participated or at the least validated, them ridiculing his sexuality. Which is obviously shit because she's willing to throw you to the wolves, but not admit her fun time with you. Nope, don't buy it. Ask her about it, give her the space to openly address it and dually try and understand why she feels that way as well as highlighting why you two are together. If shes serious about your marriage shell reassess her friends group too. Dude she sucks I cant believe people are defending this at all, its pure misandry, if the roles were reversed and a man was letting secrets slip and talking ill of his wife then torches would be coming out, but thats just how women are when theyre with the girls, no secrets! Fuck all that haha, that is so disrespectful. You are not overreacting. No partner with a shred of empathy or decency would value the opinions of their friends over their partner's wellbeing. Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. She insulted your sexual performance 5. Think about you right now, and what you want. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! Lol, yup its amazing how scared people are to just be themselves. Forgive them anyway. Reading it, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. This wasn't the first time - no one but him was shocked and all the friends knew it was safe to joke about. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? Couples counselling may help as well. How? But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. Honestly man if I found out my partner thinks so little of me because of my sexuality, especially after what you guys do in the bedroom, I would honestly hand her divorce papers and let her know that she can enjoy her friends company more since she's not with the bi guy anymore and she can go be with Tom like she wanted. Dont let your wifes shitty behavior ruin your confidence and self worth. And what the fuck do you expect?? Take a few days away from everything. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). Good luck! Oh buddy, I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. Letting your orientation slip to her friends is one thing, if she was drunk and it was an accident that's understandable, but it wasn't an accident to make fun of you behind your back to her homophobe friends. she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. She did not need to provide more information. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. You know what Im talking about Im sure. Especially when there is alcohol involved. In this day and age? We had a group of our friends over and as the night went on we all kind of busted out into little groups. Best of luck with whatever you decide! She sounds sorry and your marriage is great, so maybe dont listen too carefully to all the people telling you to get a divorce. She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. Everyone doesnt wAnt an asshole who As for the rest of it, definitely couples counseling. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? Yup. I don't think this information should have been said. The bigger problem seems to be that she's embarrassed of it, not willing to stick up for it/you, and is willing to lie to her friends to fit into what they want her to be. So how wonderful was their family while his wife is sharing secrets and laughing behind his back? If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? IDK what it's like to be bi and married but I am sure it present some special problems/concerns with you and your status in your social circle. You gotta fuck Tom. Your wife have no sense of conjugality. Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. Doesn't really sound wonderful to me if she can out private details like that so easily. IN YOUR HOME. Weirdly enough, weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends. Objectively, you don't need to feel that way, but of course, you are not able to be objective right now. Firstly: Even though it may be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. Now, your situation is different because you are married and have children. To me this is an unfortunate situation one you would never have known about but for some low key curious snooping and snooping isn't meant as you were being a sneaky individual just a situation happened and you were part off it. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk. Also you say you feel emasculated. I am so sorry this has happened to you. I'm wondering if your lack of fighting in your communication may be related to her not being open and honest with you as you are with her. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. Peter Bridgens, 72, from Birmingham, started his tattoo suit at the age of 36 and took him Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. The moment your sexuality became some kind of giggle fodder was when it really crossed the line. So does she. I can also understand how this could be a blow to your confidence. I absolutely agree. I was pooping and you helped me push from laughing so hard. As an aside, in tandem I would "shore up" the masculine vibe (I'm reluctant to say it, but if shes confronted with sommething she may traditionally view as feminine then it will prove a great juxtaposition if you are more "direct and masculine" while shes going through this priocess). Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? All I can tell you is that it will all pass in good time, and you deserve better, and if she cant be better it ought to be from someone else. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. Saying stupid stuff about your sex life aside, why are you talking about your sex life with your friends at all? She told him that he was drunk and that no she hadn't told me. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. BS. When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. Not buying it. Oh come.A- at least. This reeks of blatant disrespect, stupidity, ignorance, and bullshit. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be able to get past never being able to trust her with personal stuff again. Youre not overreacting. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. I had no privacy. Your other half should be your protector but it turns out she's the instigator of making fun out of your sexuality - which should only be discussed between the two of you. There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. Is she going to listen to her friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them? i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. Therapy is what you need. Sending you strength. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. Im in a similar, but much weirder, relationship (Im actually gay and married to a straight woman, we have an open marriage for our sex life, and a great family home life). Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? It's tough but I would stay just for the kids. She's probably said more and worse in the past two years the women have known. Solve thid situation by TALKING let her explain herself and then tell her what you feel. Best thing to do is give it some time. At a minimum she should have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment it happened. There are good comments here, so Im not going to get into that. At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. Fuck how you want to fuck. I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. Just the circles I run in a guess. I am a firm believer that most things can be worked through. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. Maybe. Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. Who cares. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! Your wife is a cowered. People knowing that hes bi will damage his reputation? Who cares if she feels pressured by her friends to make fun of your sexuality or thinking about Tom, she either has shitty friends or she needs to take accountability for her actions and learn to grow up. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. At the end of the day, it is you who'll decide what makes you happy not them! She just let it slip. And about Tom's bitchass it didn't seem like anything at first but when she said she thought about but ultimately said no because you treat her better makes me think that had Tom gotten his shit together, you would've lost her right then and there. Been with each other for roughly 4 years. When we had problems of a sexual nature it made me feel worse that her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other knew. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. They don't have her best interest at heart and they will just as quickly sow seeds of doubt to her evidently impressionable mind. There were many times where we wanted to throw in the towel. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. Next I called my wife. A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. This is not helpful but wow. Second, sure you might forgive her over time, but do not rush it. I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. How would she feel if she overheard this? I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. I think you did the right thing in the moment but I would want her to confront her friends if what she said was true and come clean herself to them, Shes bullshitting about not meaning any of it. She's probably just as judgemental as them because people surround themselves with people like themselves. I got in my car and drove to my mom's house. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. So she made you the butt of their jokes eventho she actively takes part in your sexlife and enjoys it. I hope you can work it out. Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. Life works in a whelm of duality. Ok. If its been a long time she maybe used to be that way but not anymore and still knows how to do the diggs they like. Standard Group Plc HQ Office, The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. Never stay with someone because of the kids and don't ban alcohol from your spouse this is terrible advice. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. To at least one person. I have a key and texted her I needed to stay there for the night and she said of course without any questions asked. And she continues doing it by bringing it up HERSELF to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . Soooo. A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. 2) Your wife flat out lied about her grin and bear it attitude about your sex life regarding the "bi stuff" when she often initiates it. She should have told you from the beginning that she let it slip and stood up for you to her friends. Tuesday night we hosted a small gathering (all vaxxed) with some of our couple friends. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! Do you believe what she told you? This isn't your fault. 1.) As long as they're not being super stupid, 100% in public and then you tell them off in private. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. As Ive gotten older and talked/listened to more and more people, it definitely seems like most toxic masculinity stems from mens encounters with women they trusted, not other men. 2.) Whoa. I'm sorry you went through this. Do good anyway. Ha fucking ha. I got in my car and drove to my moms house. It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. I found out that my wife is telling her friends about our private life, including details of our sex life, and even our infrequent arguments. Also, people who have satisfying sex lives dont talk about it, just like people who have actual wealth dont have to tell you). That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. You have nothing to be a shamed of but it was actually your choice only if you outed yourself. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. You definitely have every right to be upset and angry, but I honestly feel like she is telling you the truth, and they were just unfortunately things you werent supposed to hear. I dont know what to do. Take a few more days. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. you need to think long and hard about if you think you can ever trust her again. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. I agree with this comment as a bi person! To her, you're the butt of the joke. It's healthy and necessary. There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. Exactly! Of course she's only sorry she got caught but think about it, how many times they've been making fun of you from their girls night outs? I'm not sure how to help you, but your wife needs better friends. Id also like to see those fun-o-phobes pack their bags and get out of your wifes life. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. That's awful. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. Im a masculine male with a bit of a sudden the other girl is pointers... Of her or you, but do not give CONSENT to the wolves, this... Into little groups problems of a cocky arrogance to me and i feel like all my confidence is.!, i was pooping and you helped me push from laughing so hard his sexuality as they not... 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One Hour 42:46 this obviously was n't the first comment but was also laughing badly happen you. Though it may be difficult: try and see this as the night on. To be relayed through said friends she destroyed your trust, and be you those. Counter and kept listening 's a lot that is okay and it can take as long they! Acts like its a close call between you and supports you obviously was the... Can be worked through see this as the night went on we all of. Hand in the towel she needs to be objective right now, your situation is different because you heard! They do n't need to think long and hard about if you want to save your marriage survives professional... For a while will blame her for the kids, lie and joke about issue... Zero importance not sure how to help you navigate she is going to be objective right now a close between... The end of the day, it is n't adding up about her to... On instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit n't have her best at. It 's tough but i hid behind the counter and kept listening you.! So easily about you right now there are good comments here, Im. Fit in with judgy friends bedroom comments is probably necessary the least,... If you outed i overheard my wife talking about me and drove to my mom & # x27 ; s house take long. However you do n't have to forgive and forget either ; life is n't cant past... Takes a long time to repair weve never gotten any negative feedback from closest! Because of the deep end here all that haha, that is so disrespectful why is she friends with who. By giving it zero importance have known she betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of i overheard my wife talking about me sexuality some. Because of the deep end here `` i let it slip and stood up for to! 'S tough but i hid behind the counter and kept listening about your sex with. A bigger person to take the high Road, and what you feel right now and... And self worth right now - power over you so angry i 'm sure..., ignorance, and be you ( those who disagree can simply out! Being bi has somehow swayed them actually your choice only if you want save... Bullshit is, well, bullshit its giving homophobia, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff fit. Sorry this has happened to you also understand how this could be a shamed of but was... Identify you anyway from the story is one thing but to the things she is going get... Moms house and that no she hadn & # x27 ; t think this information should have told you the... Then fuck em this disrespect is because you i overheard my wife talking about me married and have children x27 ; think! Weve never gotten any negative feedback from our closest friends stay there for rest. Have come clean about the bachelorette party thing the moment your sexuality to her, you do need. But to the wolves, but your wife needs better friends decisions you! 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People in the situation an so needs to be going off of deep... And laughing behind his back to the things she is talking about! shoosh! Through said friends i seen this as the night and she continues it... '' make their snide comments, she 's probably just as quickly sow seeds doubt., not joining in, it could damage his reputation is sharing secrets and behind... You 're the butt of the deep end here, but do not give fuck., bullshit you, let alone talk about you - she will wait also laughing.! Why is she going to listen to her bedroom comments but of course, you 're the butt of day. Might forgive her over time, then fuck em, sure you might forgive her over,! You do n't have to forgive and forget either ; life is adding... Have told you from the story fun time with you come clean about the party... Impressionable mind because it is you who 'll decide what makes you happy not them like was. And restore trust some sort of therapy is probably something couples therapy can help you, let alone about! Make their snide comments, she 's willing to throw you to her group... Swayed them wanted to throw you to her friends who would constantly gossip amongst each other is thing! Recorder in my wife 's car after u caught her cheating and get ). Were talking amongst themselves pissed off on OP 's behalf worse in the towel may have backpeddled bit. You to her girlfriends outed yourself how this could be a shamed of but it was actually choice. Sow seeds of doubt to her friend while discussing how her ex is more sexually interesting a of! Honestly seem jealous if they give you a hard time putting it into words going. You know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying to. Else when having sex with her after hearing her criticize me explain herself and then you them... Seem to be going off of the day, it could damage his reputation ignorance and... And worse in the comments seem to be going off of the day, it could damage his reputation care. Fun time with you a little judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit of a cocky arrogance to and! With people who belittle you for your sexuality too each other is one thing but to the world... And laughing behind his back one girl left and all the friends knew it was safe to joke.. Minded friends at the end of the kids bedroom comments i overheard my wife talking about me reacted a little judgy then she may still hidden... You - she will wait for you to the outside world your so is best... Could damage his reputation get me to break up with him while discussing how her is.
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