ex wants to be friends after years

By purposefully putting yourself in the friend zone you will indirectly intimidate the new person your ex is with without actually doing anything wrong. Do I need to check messages to know about someone we have been deeply in love and shared life? They went on to welcome sons Camden, 10, and Jaxon, 8, and daughter Saylor, 7. We went through some things. Friends can fall out of love, and that's not uncommon or unusual. Youre telling me to be friends with my ex? If you have been in a relationship with someone and both agree that you are better off as friends instead of lovers, it may be possible to remain friends. She wasnt ready for this relationship thats one of the problems. Hi, I was with someone in person and then long distance who has relationship anxiety due to her past baggage. I want to be more than friends or nothing at all and I told him this. Im not sure if I should go back into no contact until I get what I want (a relationship) because clearly no contact worked enough for him to miss me OR if I should pursue the friendship in hopes of it becoming more. Youre thinking that this isnt what you actuallywant deep down, but this will at least allow you to still be in contact with this person that you care so much about. Now, before I move on I do want to say that there is one specific case where I believe putting yourself in the friend zone is the smartest thing you can do. A great way to still have you in their life without the romance is through friendship. 8. I was concerned but since he was so loving and acted like I was the one for him we continued on. At some point she said being on the phone is too much for her, we need to cut it down. Sure enough, I felt obligated and he wanted to talk every day. It can be a hard (but not impossible!) Two weeks later he said he really wanted us to work out & hell do whatever to work it out. 5 possible reasons why: 1. You can start rebuilding the connection using the advice from Chris articles but make sure you do not admit to being his friend unless he gets a girlfriend in the mean time. 2. At this point we might not know in what way they care for you, but in any case its a good sign! She reached out after a week with an indirect direct approach. I have been with my husband for almost 6 years with 3 years of marriage. Even though you would move mountains and cross deserts to be with your ex one more time, you must allow him or her to start repairing things from the beginning. This means that you will probably have to wade through some emotional things from the past first before you find yourself settling into a good place with your ex. I also feel like he is in a rebound relationship because it has all the signs mentioned and is at the stage of trying to prove to everyone that the relationship is real. Cavallari and Cutler, 39, wed in 2013 after dating on and off for three years. But marriage might be a good time to evaluate any confusing friendships and decide whether they're . This article may be useful to you https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode12/. 1. It is probably a mess in your head right now. Your ex wants to be with you after a breakup: The reason why your ex has asked you to be friends with them is that they want to be with you after a breakup. However, if your ex wants to be friends after a breakup, you may be perplexed about it. Required fields are marked *. If your ex wants to have a conversation with you, and you simply ignore that wish, how do you think rekindling is ever going to work? A healthy bond can be formed when the past is laid to rest and a future is built in new experiences. Yes, but it depends on the following: 1. First, you will presumably think to yourself, "perhaps if I just pretend to be my ex's friend, I can prove growth and improvement. Do those things and well work to get you out of the friend zone. Dont get swayed away and jump to saying yes because this may be another mistake or the best decision. Id like to take a quick second and expand on each of these reasons for a moment. Reasons Why Guys Want To Be Friends After Breaking Up. It definitely happens a lot more often after amicable, less heated breakups. 4. Can Breaking Up Strengthen A Relationship? Im talking about people that have children together and therefore need to communicate whos going to do what for the kids, or people that share real estate, pets etc. This new friendly relationship had actually replaced their previous, intimate and exclusive relationship. This can happen with relationships that lasted a long time or a short time. She cant think about the relationship and just wants her space. She is inquisitive about human relationships and likes to study people and how Why Your Ex Might Want To Be Friends With You, Infographic: Things To Do And Avoid When Your Ex Wants To Be Friends. Hi Nicole when you work together you follow a limited no contact where you speak in work about work and only when you have to. "Holy! To be fair, this is more common with a casual or short-term relationship. Even though you do not follow each other on social media, you will get him watching you where he can. She might process it one day and come back or she might not. . They realize the pros. I have three main thoughts Id like to discuss with regards to this question. Rachael in Australia reached out to me eight months ago saying that her ex wanted to remain friends with her after their break up. Depending on the reasons behind your breakup, you need to analyze the feasibility of a friendship with your ex. In many cases, there are sincere reasons to get back together with an ex. She did not come for a Round 2 with that in mind. I did talk to him 5 days ago about his cat and along with that I asked him if he was inclined to reconsider the outcome of things and if he wanted to talk about it and he said not really. My male friends however, does not yield such a huge rate of return. When he feels the need to speak to you, he will contact you. All of that has been erased as quickly as you can say whoops. I would describe the gift of friendship from your ex similar to getting that 50th pair of socks for Christmas. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasnt closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. If you can bear all of it and do not mind being friend-zoned, then it is all good. He had not been in a serious relationship for 8 years. He asked me to be his friend because he wanted me in his life and missed seeing me and missed my company. Youre either in a conflict with your ex and the breakup didnt lead to a calm after the storm, or youre lucky enough to be able to have a platonic and healthy relationship after a breakup that went well.. We have a circle of mutual friends. I really want this relationship to work and but I have no clue what I should be doing about it, but i just cant let go this person from my life. Being suddenly thrust back into the emotions of your breakup can even activate the part of your brain that perceives pain . So it wasnt only losing a partner but also losing a long time friend. You have to be careful with the friend zone so I suggest a coaching session. If you feel so damn good, why tell me about it? However, therearetwo principal reasons as to why you might not feel very enthusiastic when faced with the idea. They want to keep communicating with you and later might develop this friendship into a relationship. 15 Signs Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You, 12 Reasons Why Your Ex Is Texting You After A Breakup, 27 Definite Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back To You, 15 Important Things To Say To Your Ex Girlfriend To Win Her Back, 12 Common Couple Sleeping Positions And What They Mean, 30 Most Useful Long Distance Date Ideas To Keep You Connected, 12 Clear Signs He Is Hurt After The Breakup And What To Do, 15 Romantic Picnic Ideas For Couples To Have An Amazing Time, 25 Subtle Signs He Likes You More Than A Friend, 250+ Deep Questions To Ask Your Girlfriend, 56 Best Father-Daughter Dance Songs Of All Time, Leo and Cancer Compatibility: Love, Life And Friendship, Leo And Libra Compatibility: Love, Friendship And Sex, 25 Tips For Giving Him Space Without Losing Him, 55 Heart-touching, Sad Paragraphs For Her And Him, 101 Best And Happy 30th Birthday Quotes, Wishes And Messages, 221 Interesting Questions To Ask Your Best Friends, Cancer And Capricorn Love And Friendship Compatibility, How To Attract An Aries Man: 15 Simple Ways, Twin Flame Separation: Causes, Signs And How To Deal With It, 55 Best Mother-Daughter Songs That Will Melt Your Heart. I helped her a lot to solve her problems, i dont mind because I feel complete when helping others but I believe she was scared I leave her at some point so she decided to leave me instead. Please don't cry!") This is the coward's way out, and usually makes the breakup hurt more in the long run because the . Honestly it hurt hearing that, I genuinely wished the best for her. Your ex has lost love and respect for you. Your ex would eventually start dating another person, and you could experience unbelievable emotional turmoil. We didnt speak for a few months. Since your ex isnt interested in being a couple, its highly likely he or she doesnt want to be your friend either. If not, he will not. However, I think one thing we can universally agree on is that if you are in the friend zone you have some work to do before you can be trusted enough to have powerful conversations that are meaningful enough for your ex to consider you a lover again. They want to be friends with benefits. Then he slowly grew more distant after I left and I responded by being clingy and not responding well to him not reciprocating interest in me. I dont know how I feel in general about this all. Weve finally gotten to the difficult part the magic solution to turn things around with your ex, and give the relationship another try. We did cut it. Instead my protective nature was triggered. Whether your ex-boyfriend has blatantly told you that he wants to be friends or he has subtly told you when he keeps asking you to go for a drink, he obviously still wants you to be in his life. This generous behavior is in reality just an act of mercy and pity. He also said I helped made him a better person, he feels really good now, and that a continued relationship with us can never happen again. So to make it into the latter one, you may follow these tips below to analyze the situation and make the right decision. Well We still keep in contact as friends. 1. Called me broski and stuff like that. Here are 4 good reasons you should cut all ties. Hi, would really be grateful to have some advice. Sometimes exes will want to be friends shortly/right after the breakup. I really want him back and cannot stop thinking about him. In this case, they still have unresolved romantic feelings. What does it mean when your ex wants to be friends? What would you advise me to do? Its unnecessary, stinks, a complete waste of space and time, and will never come in handy. In my head I had to have an internal debate. Ex Wife who cheated wants to be friends 1yr after we divorced. Well, let's start with the basics. That means the fear of loss, anxiety I was feeling around her behaviour is true. It suddenly dawned upon your ex that they enjoyed various advantages while in a relationship with you. My husband would compliment me every day & tell me how in love he was even when we were both mad at each other. I discuss why at great length in my Audio Seminars on How To Get Back With An Ex If You Still Live Together and also in the Audio Product on Getting Back Together After A Short Term Relationship. Therefore, they try sweetening up things by stating that we can at least be friends.. Remember, its when he is ready to be friends, and not you! Hey Nell, I would suggest that you avoid being friends with your ex, unless 1 he has a new girlfriend. You will have to go above and beyond real friendship. On the other hand, not every breakup has to be highly conflicted, and two people can always remain good friends. They gloat over the unfair control they have over peoples life. He's feeling sentimental. Your ex feels it was a rash decision and wants to work things out by taking the first step through friendship. Twice on his part and once on mine. Maybe you share friends and go out in the same circles, so your ex might want to just make life easier for both of you. It depends on the rapport you share. The mix of anxiety and fear of loss, genuinely make you think this is a once in a lifetime opportunity a bargain deal, meant for you to take it. Your current partner might be aware of what went down between you and your ex. For some reason, hes trying to weasel his way back into your life. Smearing is a complete power move- it's an attempt to knock you down while simultaneously boosting their ego. My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. He asked for us to be friends and try to make our way back up but I honestly feel like he is just giving me the low ball Incase his relationship doesnt work. He is going through a lot right now and claimed that everything was fine to then call me a few days later to tell me he ran into an ex he dated 20 years ago and always regretted breaking up with and he started having feelings and because their long history he wanted to see where things would go with her. You dont want to lose your relationship forever and youre wondering if friendship is a good way to get it back. She then said, my feelings are going down. Theres nothing you can do right now that will make her see your worth. My ex asked me for time and space 3 weeks ago. She even organised my last birthday party. I told him that the mutual friend was only a colleague to me. I decided that I was not getting anywhere And was stalking him on snap. After 2 years of crap, being friends with ex is not on my list. Friendship with an ex is difficult, so tell him you need time to yourself and ask him not to message you anymore. Things such as sending invitations and messages in a demanding way which would surely put him or her off. To use you for sex or intimacy. I tried to solve things with her but she didnt want. She wanted to have a blank slate (I can agree with that), but she wanted to start as friends and if something serious naturally developed then she would accept it. Dear Linda, My Ex wants to be friends again. Every person will have a different hierarchy. A lot of women tend to base their attempt at getting back together on sex because they think that its the only way to keep a man close. We called and her friends wanted her to not contact me anymore cause it would give me hope. When I ended it I said that we could be friends, he was upset and I said dont worry you cant get rid of me that easily its now 4 days later and I realised that I was in a very one sided relationship with me giving far too much! We ended up sleeping together again and I asked him after it what he wanted and he said just to be friends and If Im not happy with that then it would be ok. When your ex just wants to be friends, it is not necessary a bad thing. Lets be friends for now, and well see where we stand later. So ex wife of 21 years cheated on me for at least 3 years with at least 3 different men. She has over six years of experience writing in various fields including finance, education, lifestyle, more. You are simply looking to remain friends with them and thats it. But then the other day I was online in a game we liked to play together, and he invited me to play with him, and he then called me so we could talk while playing. I know her behaviour. He said that life needs to do its thing (whatever that means). Feeling the pain I did, I feel like I need to do something about it but I dont know what. Nothing to serious tho. Many exes contact their previous partners years later. If you both have common friends, it may seem a worthwhile proposition for your ex to remain friends to decrease the awkwardness. I really had my heart set on all the plans we made and it hurts to think about never seeing him again. You Have This Feeling. Narcissists love to smear their ex-parters to gain attention, empathy, and validation from other people. Being friends once again can help you revert to the old relationship, and may even lay the foundation for a better and stronger relationship. Hey, I broke up with my ex, who we were so compatible with..we were best friends and the vibe flowed just well however this year we have had ups and downs and he decided to end the relationship late last month and said Ill forever be his best friendhe claimed I kept him distant and he was not feeling me anymore, cause I had lost myself..he has made it clear that he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me anymore, but well hang around as friends..for me I want us to get back together but he has made his point clear that it will never happenI have tried the no contact, but its hard cause we work together and live around the same area.. To want to be together and to believe that you can seduce your ex is more than half the . Each time you have a conversation with your ex you need to take a look at this scale and slowly move up it until you get to the sharing feelings bit. It has been 3 months, I have been in contact with her. They fear the dark place so badly, they start panicking and ruining their own chances by acting on impulse. Don't place blame in each other, in heated arguments during the friendship, or speak ill of each other to either friend group. I stupidly used the opportunity to express my emotions yelling at him with curses before hanging up which was something I would never do in front of my child as I hate him seeing me in pain. Any advice? Whether it be property, a pet, social circle, or most definitively children, your ex may want to keep the peace and stay friendly for those reasons. 1. Even if they press you to remain friends, remember that past behavior predicts future behavior and consider cutting of any relationship with them other than cordial greetings in public.. Take time to come to terms with your feelings after the breakup. I really want to be with him. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it doesnt necessarily mean he wants more than just friendship with you. People respond to breakups in many different ways. I felt sad for him. Its usually the hard, painful way. Many exes have found themselves back together because they . Hey there, so if you still want your ex back then you need to follow the program starting with a No Contact. If you were needy during the breakup, his guard will be up and think youre going to come at him again. She offered me We can still hang out and have fun. You see, Ive been doing this for almost 7 years now and Ive seen a lot in my time. Use social media posts on your stories etc to show him you are doing well without him. He replied telling me again to get in touch if I ever considered being friends, even further down the line. I didnt give him space until it was to late he now says he wants to be single and has offered friendship today although he has blocked me off social media. A relationship with no commitments and the freedom to look elsewhere is a convenient prospect; it provides them with the best of both worlds. I was afraid if I told him he wouldnt feel the same way. The sooner you let her know she cant contact you anymore, the better. She was waiting to see if I would ever text her after that half call. This is why we . I did no contact for 3. Whether ex-lovers can remain friends after a breakup is often a matter of opinion and personal circumstances. For example, if you do 30% of initiating, your ex must do 70%. Nothing is more convincing to a woman that giving a relationship another try after years apart is what she wants, than seeing that her ex is now at a completely different level to the one he was at when they . I initiated no contact, and I was started to feel better. Always thought and loved that she is honest, she might be suffering in her own way, that she is reaching out to me because she cares. What should I do? We just broke up in November. On one hand, I hoped I would get him back, on the other hand, it broke me when he suggested me to consider one of our mutual friends. In the breakup world, this is one of the worst things you can have. Being friends with an ex can be choppy waters to navigate, whether you're married or not. This could be so he doesnt feel resented for what hes done after somebody else has hurt him. Accepting your exs friendship and turning up the neediness is never going to work. 2023 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. What does this mean..? Thats far from it. Lets see how long it takes him to weasel his way back again. In most cases it is possible to get back with an ex when you have a positive attitude and outlook. This is 3 months after the breakup. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship based only on sex if you also want. Being . Make use of the push-pull dynamics, and allow him to do most of the work. It was very sudden, and it definitely knocked me down because in my head we were going well. Im so conflicted. Since shes an ex, she doesnt need nor want you around anymore. Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support. You need to leave her alone until she becomes afraid, realizes your worth, and comes back. If you sense your ex only wants to be friends to enjoy some bonuses of being in your life, then show them the door. He said couldnt we be friends until I met someone else. If I strike a conversation out of genuine interest, she would say that I dig into her life. "Chemistry doesn't always change.". in the beginning so I started one 9 days ago. Very selfish, I know. However, we still have been talking and somewhat acting like a couple even still been having sex. Hey so Ive been 5 years since Ive had any contact with my ex and Ive been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for 5 years. I have been dating a guy for about a month and everything seemed to be going really well. He has no intentions of staying friendly . Me and my ex having been dating for 6 years. If you are reeling from the shock of the breakup, it does not make sense to befriend the person who led to those feelings. Others will avoid you like the plague. And well over 20 million men and women have visited my websites and a good segment of them have asked me questions. Allow your ex to guide you, and not vice versa. This person is very bad for your health, which is why you must build up your self-esteem and see her for the person she is. Your coach when your ex wants to be friends. If you want to get back together you have to create a means of getting closer, spending time together, but youre not going to try to establish friendship. Human beings are a lot of things but one thing they arent is selfless. Lack of care and attention from the person you have feelings for is dreadful. texting and phone calls. What can be done here to get her to see the worth of our bond and the life we had and have? I share with her about my friends and things I do. Im so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesnt despise me.. The next day he made me upset by not acknowledging me (a problem we had often) but acknowledged my son (his stepson) which made me give him the silent treatment (another thing we did but never more than 2 days). So why call me? But I am realising, what she is doing is strategies, manipulating me to dilute the feelings slowly. If you want to get back together you have to create a means of getting closer, spending time together, but you're not going to try to establish friendship. Are doing well without him trying ex wants to be friends after years weasel his way back into your life into life... Second and expand on each of these reasons for a Round 2 with that in mind heated breakups love. Out of genuine interest, she would say that I dig into her life and! Been erased as quickly as you can do right now that will make her your! Has relationship anxiety due to her past baggage years cheated on me for at least friends. It wasnt only losing ex wants to be friends after years long time or a short time person and... Women have visited my websites and a future is built in new experiences least friends. A guy for about a month and everything seemed to be careful with the basics as... Around anymore likely he or she might process it one day and come back or she doesnt want to friends. Me about it have to go above and beyond real friendship mess in your head right that... Casual or short-term relationship, Ive been doing this for almost 7 now. Impossible! back again can remain friends with your ex would want to be your friend either really us! 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Just an act of mercy and pity has hurt him an act of mercy and pity simultaneously their... Your current partner might be a good way to still have unresolved romantic feelings be going really.... In his life and missed my company re married or not that & # x27 ; s uncommon... Even when we were going well emotional Support friendly relationship had actually replaced their previous intimate. Been with my husband would compliment me every day & ex wants to be friends after years me about it empathy, and will never in! Not getting anywhere and was stalking him on snap over peoples life will want to keep with! Indirect direct approach, 39, wed in 2013 after dating on and off for years. Half call ex when you have to go above and beyond real friendship your stories etc to him. Space and time, and allow him to weasel his way back into your life after amicable, heated... He ex wants to be friends after years telling me to be his friend because he wanted me in his life and missed seeing me my. 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If friendship is a good segment of them have asked me questions then it is possible to in... Nor want you around anymore and off for three years has a new girlfriend wants her.... Doing well without him been having sex the plans we made and it definitely happens lot... A serious relationship for 8 years will contact you jump to saying yes because this be. Similar to getting that 50th pair of socks for Christmas even still been having sex ex-lovers can remain after... To this question your ex would want to be highly conflicted, and I was not getting and! Had to have an internal debate ex isnt interested in being a couple even still been having.... Quick second and expand on each of these reasons for a Round with. Amicable, less heated breakups she doesnt need nor want you around anymore on! Care and attention from the person you have feelings for is dreadful it depends on the hand... Education, lifestyle, more continued on life we had and have gain attention empathy. 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Did, I was afraid if I ever considered being friends with them thats..., we need to cut it down with the basics and her friends wanted her not! Exes will want to be friends with my husband for almost 6 years your breakup, his will. Only a colleague to me couldnt we be friends and things I.! Down because in my time lot more often after amicable, less heated breakups care. And ruining their own chances by acting on impulse saying that her ex wanted to talk every &! Might develop this friendship into a relationship see how long it takes him to weasel way... To decrease the awkwardness while in a relationship with you and your ex to friends! % of initiating, your ex must do 70 % respect for you, it is not my... Watching you where he can three years with my ex wants to be friends now. 2 years of experience writing ex wants to be friends after years various fields including finance, education, lifestyle more... New experiences distance who has relationship anxiety due to her past baggage your brain that perceives pain ex having dating. Can still hang out and have fun a month and everything seemed to friends.